Miss Robichaux's Academy
(Stevie Nicks strolls through the Academy singing.)
♪ So long ago
Certain place, certain time
You touched my hand
On the way
On the way down to Emmiline
But if our paths
Never cross
Well, you know I'm sorry but If I live to see the seven wonders ♪
(The girls each practice the magical feats on their own.)
♪ I'll make a path to the rainbow's end
I'll never live to match the beauty again
The rainbow's end
So it's hard to find
Someone with that kind
That kind of intensity
You touched my hand
I played it cool
And you reached out
Your hand to me
But if our paths never cross
Well, you know I'm sorry but
If I live to see the seven wonders
I'll make a path to the rainbow's end
I'll never live to match
The beauty again
The rainbow's end
So long ago
It's a certain time
It's a certain place
You touched my hand
And you smile
All the way back
You held out your hand
If I hope and if I pray
Ooh, well, it might work out someday
If I live to see The seven wonders
I'll make a path to the rainbow's end
I'll never to live to match the beauty ♪
Stevie: Again Good luck, girls
♪ If I live to see
The seven wonders
If I live to see the seven wonders
I'll make a path to the rainbow's end
I'll make a path back I'll never live to match the beauty
I'll never live to see that beauty
That beauty
That same, same beauty again
If I live to see the seven wonders
Oh, if I live to see ♪
-[OPENING CREDITS]-
"Last Supper"
(Gathered at a long table.)
Myrtle: The great Leonardo da Vinci, who I'm certain was a warlock, although it's never been proven, in his masterpiece The Last Supper, depicted grilled eels, bread and wine on the table. I've chosen caviar from the Caspian Sea. Served on billinis. Along with champagne. As fitting stand-ins as we partake of our own last supper. For one of you, a last moment of freedom and anonymity before assuming the Supremacy. For any one of you others, possibly a last meal. Cordelia: Since the beginning of this coven, it has been every outgoing Supreme's duty to identify her successor. Which Fiona not only neglected to do, she actually tried to kill her successor. So we are doing something never done in our history. We are going to give all four of you the chance to prove yourselves. Only one of you will succeed. To quote the Bible loosely "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I understood like a child, I thought like a child. But when I became a woman, I put aside childish things." Childhood is over, my girls. Put aside fears, reservations and petty things. Kick ass tomorrow.
The next morning
Myrtle: The Seven Wonders. Usually we move from easiest to hardest. But since we're breaking with tradition this year, let's begin with my personal favorite. Telekinesis.
(Kyle lights a candle in front of each of the four girls.)
Misty: What if I can't do it?
Cordelia: Then you're not the Supreme.
Madison: And you can go back to your swamp.
Myrtle: Misty, you're first.
Cordelia: Intention.
Misty: (the candle slides toward her) I did it. I did it.
Madison: Almost sounds like you want it.
Cordelia: It's not about want. You either are or you aren't a Supreme.
Misty: Maybe I am.
Myrtle: Queenie?
Queenie: (the candle slides toward her) Yup.
Myrtle: Madison, obviously this is your bailiwick.
Madison: Whatever that means. (the candle slides toward her)
Myrtle: Last but not least, Zoe. (the candle slides toward her)
Myrtle: Concilium. Commonly only known to the public as "mind control." It's a tricky little craft. When properly exercised, can bend the strongest of wills to your desire. Now, let's see which of you fillies has really got the stuff.
Queenie: (to Misty) Stare all you want, flower child. Nobody controls my mind but me. (Misty makes Queenie slap herself silly.) Oh, shit. Knock it off!
Misty: This is fun.
Myrtle: Next.
Misty: (to Queenie)No hard feelings about (Queenie makes Misty pull her own hair.) Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Myrtle: Next.
(Madison makes Kyle drop the tray of wine glasses he's holding.)
Zoe: He's not part of this!
Madison: He is now. (She makes Zoe hit herself.)
Myrtle: Well done.
Madison: I'm not done. (She brings Kyle over to her and forces him to kiss her as she stares down Zoe.) Now, lick it.
(Zoe uses her power to drag him over and kisses him.)
(Madison has Kyle start to strangle Zoe.)
Cordelia: That's enough. Let's move on.
Madison: Having fun yet?
Zoe: Yeah, it's a real party.
Myrtle: The descent into the nether world will be your next test. Getting to hell will be simple for girls of your talents. It's the getting back, darlings, that is the challenge. If your soul hasn't returned to your body by sunup, you'll die.
Misty: What do you think it'll be like?
Zoe: I was hoping to never find out.
Myrtle: Girls, you may begin.
Girls: Spiritu duce, in me est. Deduc me in tenebris vita ad extremum, ut salutaret 'nferi. Descensum!
(Queenie finds herself back in the fried chicken shack.)
Myrtle: You're the first to return.
Queenie: Damn. I saw the same people in the same line for the same chicken.
(Madison comes back shortly thereafter.)
Madison: It was horrible. I was stuck on a network musical. It was a live version of The Sound of Music. I wasn't even the lead. I was Liesl.
(Zoe comes back next.)
Queenie: What happened to you?
Zoe: Kyle and I kept breaking up. On a loop. He said he didn't love me. Over and over, over and over.
Kyle: It's okay, it's okay, I'm right here. I'm right here, it's okay.
Zoe: Are we all back?
Madison: Everyone but Misty.
(In high school science class, Misty reanimates her frog.)
Boy: Freak. You're a freak. Mr. Kringley, she did it again.
Teacher: Where's the dissection frog?
Boy: It's right there, she brought it back to life.
Teacher: Shut up, Bobby. She snuck a live one in to trick you, but the trick's on her. Pick up the scalpel.
Misty: No, please don't make me.
Teacher: If you won't dissect a dead frog, then you will dissect a live one.
Misty: No, I don't want to kill a living thing, please, you can't make me.
Teacher: You kill it, or I'll have a talk with your parents.
Misty: (screams) No!
Boy: Mr. Kringley, she did it again.
Teacher: If you won't dissect a dead frog, you'll dissect a live one.
Misty: No, you can't make me kill a living thing. Please, you can't make me!
Boy: Mr. Kringley…
Teacher: If you won't dissect a dead frog, then you'll dissect a live one.
Misty: No, no, no…
Teacher: If you won't dissect a dead frog
Misty: No, no…
Teacher: If you won't dissect a dead frog, then you'll… If you won't dissect a dead frog…. If you won't dissect a dead frog
(It happens over and over and over again, with Misty screaming in terror each time.)
Cordelia: She's stuck. We have to help her.
Myrtle: There's nothing we can do. She has to get back on her own.
Cordelia: Misty Follow my voice. We are all here waiting for you. Sequere lucem.
Venite ad me.
Myrtle: Her time is up.
(Misty disappears in a pile of dust.)
Cordelia: No No, no! No No! No, no…
Cordelia: Before we recommence, I would like to take a moment to remember our fallen sister witch, Misty Day.
Madison: Can we get on with it? I didn't really know her that well.
Queenie: You're a stone cold bitch.
Madison: When you play with fire, you get burned.
Zoe: She's right. Misty's gone. There's nothing we can do about it.
Queenie: All right, then. Let's get on with finding the new Supreme.
Myrtle: The next task before our candidates is transmutation.
Zoe: (to Madison)Tag, you're it. (The girls play a teleporting game of Tag.)
Madison: (to Queenie) Now you're it.
Queenie: (to Zoe) Gotcha. No tag-backs.
Zoe: (to Madison)Tag.
Madison: (to Queenie) Tag, you're it.
Cordelia: Careful, girls! It's not a game!
Madison: It's the best game, and we need a goddamned break!
Cordelia: Careful, girls…
Zoe: Can't we just have a little fun?
Madison: You bitch.
Queenie: Suck it!
(Zoe ends up impaled on the top of the wrought iron fence spikes, skewered up in the air.)
Kyle: Zoe! Oh! Oh!
Myrtle: Dear God.
Kyle: Oh, God!
Cordelia: What is it?
Kyle: Oh, God, Zoe! Zoe!
Myrtle: Our dear Zoe!
Kyle: Help! Somebody help us! Somebody help us, please! Help! Help! Zoe!
(They take her into Cordelia's greenhouse.)
Queenie: Vitalum Vitalis. Vitalum Vitalis.
Kyle: Nothing's happening.
Queenie: Please.
Madison: Guess who isn't Supreme after all?
Queenie: I'm sorry.
Cordelia: Queenie, take Kyle into the house. Madison, the Vitalum Vitalis.
Madison: You want me to bring her back?
Cordelia: Do you think you can?
Madison: Oh, I know I can.
Cordelia: Then do it.
Madison: Would that make me Supreme?
Cordelia: It would mean we could continue with the Seven Wonders.
Madison: Because she'd be back in the game.
Cordelia: Just like you were back in the game after you were brought back. Unless you're afraid you might not really be the Supreme.
(Madison kills a fly and brings it back.)
Madison: She lost, fair and square. It's not my fault.
Myrtle: Madison, if you refuse this, then you don't deserve to be Supreme.
Madison: What's deserve got to do with any of this? You can't disqualify me. Either I'm Supreme or I'm not. And, obviously, I am. You know, I'm starting to think Fiona had the right idea, leaving this shit show behind. I'm thinking very seriously about doing the same thing. So either crown me or kiss my ass.
(She leaves.)
House
Cordelia: I can feel all their eyes on me. I failed. I let this coven fall into ruin.
Myrtle: Don't be so hard on yourself, Delia. You did all you could.
Cordelia: Not enough. If Madison Montgomery really is all that's left to us, maybe it is better this way. Maybe we deserve to die out.
Myrtle: I'll confess, I've had similar dark thoughts. I was so certain about Misty Day. Or even our dear Zoe. She had the makings of a fine leader.
Greenhouse
(Kyle cries over Zoe.)
Kyle: Why'd you leave me? (sniffles) You said you'd never leave me.
House
Cordelia: Oh, I can't believe she was right. It was Madison all this time. My mother was always right.
Myrtle: That's not true. She was never right about you.
Cordelia: Well, I guess it's different when it's your own family.
Myrtle: How true is it that a prophet is never recognized in his own country? Madison was not born to the Supremacy. But you, Cordelia, you have royal blood in your veins.
Cordelia: What are you saying?
Myrtle: I was a fool not to have realized it earlier, seeking all this time in the dust for that which may have been right before us all along.
Cordelia: I-I don't understand.
Myrtle: First, you were suppressed by your mother, then by your own theories. You have great power, my girl, power that has been seeking expression in these young vessels. But it's in you. You must let it out. You must perform the Seven Wonders.
Cordelia: You think I could be the next Supreme?
Myrtle: I'd stake your life on it.
Later
Madison: I know what you guys are doing. You want me to finish the Seven Wonders, so you're trumping up some competition. I'm not stupid.
Queenie: Yes, you are. (to Cordelia) Are you ready?
(Cordelia lights a candle with her powers, then the fire in the fire place.)
(Next, she makes Queenie dance and raises the grand piano off the floor.)
Cordelia: Descensum.
(She heads down into Hell and takes her time coming back.)
Myrtle: What did you see?
Cordelia: Me, trying to get Fiona's approval and getting bitch-slapped for it. (She zaps herself across the room.) Not exactly new.
Myrtle: Transmutation. That's five Wonders accomplished. Let us move to the sixth, divination. Cordelia…
Madison: Fine. Okay, I'm back in. What? It's only fair. This thing started as a competition. I say we end it like one. Divination. Let's rock.
Myrtle: Hidden in this house are items belonging to former Supremes. Cordelia, divine in the pebbles the location of the item which belonged to Mimi DeLongpre. (She spills pebbles.)
Madison: Who knew the test came in Braille?
Madison: Shh.
Cordelia: Southwest corner. Up the stairs. Second door down the hall, beneath the dresser.
(Queenie returns with the item.)
Cordelia: The antique broach presented to Supreme Mimi DeLongpre on the night of the Great Ascension.
Myrtle: Correct.
Queenie: (to Madison)Your turn, hotshot.
Myrtle: Divine for us the location of the object belonging to Supreme Anna Leigh Leighton, Madison.
Madison: This is stupid. I'm not doing it.
Queenie: Because you can't?
Madison: Let me show you some real power. Let's go into the greenhouse right now, and I'll bring Zoe back to life.
Myrtle: Divination first. We're doing this by the book.
Madison: I'm sick of your book. I have so many powers, I could tear this room apart until there's nothing left but your little trinkets but, no, I have to do this bullshit!
Myrtle: Fail.
Madison: Wait. The vase above the fireplace.
Queenie: Wrong.
Madison: The piano. I meant I meant the piano. There's something in the thing.
Queenie: Girl, no.
Madison: This is bullshit.
Queenie: Cordelia did it.
Madison: Because the game is rigged, Queenie. Wake up!
Myrtle: You would accuse us of chicanery?
Madison: You bet your bony ass. I never had a shot at running this shit hole coven. I didn't even want to come here in the first place. It's all just some jacked-up version of Celebrity Rehab. I'm out of here.
Myrtle: Thus endeth your Seven Wonders.
Madison: Oh, no shit, lady! I'm going back to Hollywood where people are normal. And I suggest you change the locks because when I tell TMZ everything, it won't be long before torches, pitchforks and Molotov cocktails become a real big part of your day. Peace out!
(She goes upstairs to pack, but Kyle finds her.)
Madison: What do you want, dumb-ass?
Kyle: You let her die. Why… did you let her die? (He grabs her.)
(Down in the greenhouse, Cordelia attempts to breathe life back into Zoe.)
Kyle: I You know that dark place! We've both been there! We both came back. Why?!
Madison: I did it for us. I love you. I love you. Please. Please.
Kyle: You're not that good an actress.
Madison: Stop! No!
(He chokes her around the neck until she dies.)
(In the greenhouse, Zoe sits bolt upright and takes a deep breath. Cordelia falls over.)
(Kyle stands over Madison's body when Spalding arrives.)
Spalding: She'd already started packing. That's helpful. No one will wonder where the body went once we bury her.
Kyle: Who the hell are you?
Spalding: The help.
In the greenhouse,
(Cordelia is back on her feet, with her eyes back intact. Everything is in full bloom.)
Myrtle: The hallmark of any rising Supreme is glowing, radiant health. glowing, radiant health. Behold. The one, true Supreme.
House
(Cordelia sits down for a TV interview.)
Reporter: Since your extraordinary public statement last month, there has been quite a bit of fanfare. This frank revelation about your cult-- that's sparked quite a brouhaha in the media, and…
Cordelia: Let me clarify that, Bill. We are not a cult. We-we don't proselytize. We have no agenda, we're not recruiting. Women who identify as witches are born as such, and their abilities-- which we call powers-- are part of who they are, part of their DNA, if you will.
Bill: Oh, I see. So, in fact, you're saying that it's not a choice, being a witch.
Cordelia: That's exactly what I'm saying. There are so many young witches who have resisted their calling because they're afraid of how they may be perceived, or what's expected of them.
Bill: But there are still hate crimes.
Cordelia: That is true, but, you know, when you hide in the shadows, you are less visible, you have less protection. We'll always be targets for the ignorant. It is what it is. But we are strong women, Bill.
Bill: So, what would you like to say to all those girls watching and wondering if they might be witches? Hmm?
Cordelia: Call us, e-mail us or just come to New Orleans. There is a home and a family waiting for you.
Cordelia’s office
Myrtle: I'm so proud of you.
Cordelia: We need to discuss the Council. We've never had young witches on the Council, and Queenie and Zoe deserve an elevated role here at the school to set them apart. What do you think?
Myrtle: I would start by telling them that being an authority figure requires you to make hard, unpopular decisions for the greater good.
Cordelia: They've matured so much, I think they can handle it.
Myrtle: I was talking about you.
Cordelia: Me?
Myrtle: You have every chance to be the greatest Supreme this coven has ever seen.
Cordelia: Stop.
Myrtle: Delia, I have something to say, and your tasteful modesty is out of fashion, so knock it off. Thanks to you, we're entering a new era. You've planted the seeds, but in order to reap their harvest, you have to clear the rot of the past.
Cordelia: Myrtle, you know I love your metaphors, but I have no idea what you're talking about.
Myrtle: Me. I'm talking about me. We all know what happens to a witch who grievously harms another witch. (Myrtle reminds her of using a melon baller to take out the former council's eyeballs for Cordelia.)
Cordelia: I hope you're not suggesting
Myrtle: I'm not suggesting. I'm insisting.
Cordelia: You want to be burned at the stake? Again?
Myrtle: Want has nothing to do with it. At the start of your glorious reign, the last thing you need is an ABSCAM or Watergate. I killed, and I must pay for it. Now, before word leaks, and you are tainted by my hubris and actions, however deserved.
Cordelia: Myrtle, stop talking. I didn't hear this. I didn't.
Myrtle: Listen to me, child. Now that you're in charge, my life's work is fulfilled. I've made many painful mistakes in my life. I want my death to have some meaning.
Cordelia: No! No way! You were my mother, my true mother, just as you promised you would be, and I can't do this without you.
Myrtle: Stiff upper lip, my dear. Everything you do or say ripples through the entire coven. You cannot be a hypocrite. I won't stand for it.
Stone-pit
♪ You could be my silver spring Blue-green, colors flashin'
I would be your only dream
Your shinin' autumn ocean crashin'
Don't say that she's pretty
And did you say that she loves you?
Baby, I don't wanna know ♪
(Dressed in her finest red gown, Myrtle wears fashionable shades as she is tied to the stake and doused with gasoline.)
Cordelia: In the absence of the Council, as reigning Supreme of this coven, I hereby decree for the murders of our sister witch Cecily Pembroke and our colleague Quentin Fleming, you Myrtle Snow are hereby sentenced to death by fire.
Myrtle: Delia my sweet daughter I have never been more proud.
Cordelia: Any last words?
Myrtle: Only one. Balenciaga!
(Cordelia ignites her and Myrtle's screams.)
Miss Robichaux's Academy
♪ La, la, la-da, la-da
La, la, la-da, la-da
La, la, la-da, la-da
La-da ♪
(Hordes of goth young girls dressed in black line up outside the Academy.)
Upstairs
Queenie: You got to check this shit out.
Zoe: Line's around the block. Where are we gonna put all these girls?
Cordelia: We'll buy more houses if we have to. Look at you. You two are powerful witches with more skills and confidence at your young age than I had for much of my life. I need both of you to help me fulfill the promise of all this coven can be. A place to protect, develop and celebrate witches. You will not only be my right hands, you will be my Council. What do you say?
Queenie: I got your back.
Cordelia: Good. And you?
Zoe: I'd be honored. Should we open the doors now?
Cordelia: Not yet. Stay here. There's just one more thing I need to deal with.
Downstairs
Cordelia: I saw you die.
Fiona: Look again now that you have real vision.
[Flashback
Axeman’s apartment
Axeman: We had a deal. It wasn't notarized, it wasn't on paper, but we had a deal!
Fiona: You men, with your fragile egos. We still have a deal, babe. I'm going to Paris for just a couple days. Just until Cordelia gets her little dwarves to perform the Seven Wonders and I find out who the next Supreme is.
Axeman: Why? Why would she decide to do that?
Fiona: Because the old Supreme will be dead. Or at least that's what she'll think.Well But I'm gonna need your help. I mean, it won't be pleasant for you. But if you do it right I promise you the world. Hmm. I'm gonna put something inside you.
Axeman: Well, a.. A young gypsy girl tried that on me once, I almost hit the ceiling, I jumped so high.
Fiona: No. In your brain, sweet boy. Oh. A vision. A memory.
Axeman: What happens when I wake up from this vision?
Fiona: You'll figure it out. Now drink.
Axeman: No. If you're gonna offer me your spit, I'll take it straight from the spigot.
(He passes out and she stages the scene with blood, then walks out.)
Flashback ends.]
Fiona: I ruined a perfectly good pair of Jimmy Choos. But I knew you'd get rid of him for me, once he served his purpose.
Cordelia: Whose blood was it?
Fiona: A goat's. I never killed anybody.
Cordelia: Not yet. But that is what you came here to do.
Fiona: That was the plan. Let you do the dirty work. Identify the Supreme and then I come in and take her out.
Cordelia: Makes it a little harder when it turns out to be your own daughter.
Fiona: Not really.
Cordelia: You didn't come here to kill me. You were hoping I'd put you out of your misery, but I don't need to. You're close. I doubt you'll make it through the night.
Fiona: Might make you feel good, though.
Cordelia: Is that why you were always so awful to me? Because you knew I was going to take your power some day?
Fiona: You took my power the minute I gave birth to you. A woman becomes a mother, she can't help but see her mortality in that cherubic little face. Every time I looked at you I saw my own death. You were a constant reminder of my worst fears.
Cordelia: Oh, and all this time, I thought you just didn't like me.
Fiona: It was nothing personal, darling. I loved you plenty, though. Just my own way. Which, I'll admit, had its limitations. Your fault was you were always looking for another version of motherhood. I can feel the power vibrating off of you. It feels good, doesn't it?
Cordelia: Hmm?
Fiona: It's mine, you know? When it came into you, it left me. The law of conservation of energy. I have to die for you to truly live. Crying over me. Isn't that the ultimate twist.
Cordelia: I'm not crying over you. I'm crying for me. You were the monster in every one of my closets. A lifetime spent either trying to prove myself to you, get close to you or get away from you. I'm crying for the girl in me who dies when you die.
Fiona: Then kill them both right now. They both hurt too much. And when we're finally gone you will fulfill your destiny and lead this coven. God knows you'll do a better job of it than I ever did, though you won't look half as good doing it. Come on. For God's sake have mercy on me. Put me out of my misery. I hurt everywhere. (She hands her daughter a knife.)
Cordelia: You're scared, maybe for the first time in your life. (Cordelia hugs her.) No powers, no magic. Just a woman facing the inevitable. A divine being finally having a human experience. No one can help you, Mother. You have to do this alone. And the only way out is through. So, feel the fear and the pain. Let it all in and then let it all go. I don't think we ever hugged.
(Fiona goes slack in her arms.)
Country house
(Fiona wakes up.)
Axeman: Oh.Sweetness. You're up. I hope you're hungry. I brought you some, uh, some catfish, I'll fry it up. Granddaddy's favorite.
Fiona: Oh, get those goddamn things out of my face.
Axeman: Why you always got to be like this?
Fiona: Huh? Always got to be like what? Huh? "Be like"-- what do you mean?
Axeman: Every morning you wake up, and you act like you don't know where you are. And then we fight. I'm.. I'm tired of fighting.
Fiona: Every morning? How long have we been here?
Axeman: Well, now, you can't put a clock on eternity.
Fiona: Oh, no. Jesus Christ.
Axeman: If want a stiff one, come over here.
(She slaps the Axeman)
Fiona: Don't be vulgar.
(He slaps her.)
Axeman: Oh! Maybe you ought to lay off the sauce for a while. Drink in the the fresh air.
Fiona: Delia did this.
Axeman: No, nobody sent you here but you, baby. We had a deal.
Fiona: Oh, God. I can't spend eternity here. This place-- it reeks of fish and cat piss. What is this? Knotty pine?! I want Delia. I want
Axeman: It's too late for that.
Fiona: I want my daughter.
Axeman: No, come on, you're here. You're here. With me. Nobody is going anywhere. I'm in heaven. So just, uh
Fiona: Oh, no.
Axeman: relax.
(Fiona sees Papa Legba, laughing at her.)
Miss Robichaux's Academy
Cordelia: (to Queenie and Zoe)All right let's open the doors.
♪ La, la, la-da, la-da ♪
(Kyle serves as butler.)
Cordelia: Miss Robichaux's Academy for Exceptional Young Ladies was established as a premiere girls' finishing school in 1790. Afterwards, it came under new management. Our management. We survive. Up until now, that's all we've done. But as I look at your faces-- all of them beautiful, all of them perfect-- I know together we can do more than survive. It's our time to thrive.
Girl: What's a Supreme?
Queenie: You're looking at her.
♪ La, la, la-da, la-da ♪
–[End]–